Suze Orman Money Matters

Would you want to inflict searing heartache on the people who love you?

Of course not.

Each and every one of you has the power to make sure you never do that -- to spare your loved ones the same heartache that has haunted Michael Schiavo and Robert and Mary Schindler.

In May 1998, Schiavo first asked the courts to consider the legality of removing the feeding tube that sustained his wife Terri after a debilitating 1990 heart attack left her brain-damaged. Since then, those who love Terri have gone through unfathomable anguish and despair.

And all of it could have been avoided.

If Terri had just put in writing what she wanted to happen to her in the event she became too ill to express her own wishes, the excruciating legal battle that would never have happened.

Please, my friends -- no matter what your position on the Terry Schiavo case -- understand one thing. The only way to salvage anything positive from this tragedy is to learn one simple lesson: With an Advance Directive and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, you can control what happens to you if you become too ill to speak for yourself. You can spare your loved ones untold misery by telling them exactly what you want for yourself.

Isn't that a gift you want to give?

You probably know I'm a big believer in building an emergency cash fund to deal with unanticipated "what-ifs" in your financial life. Well, if the ultimate "what-if" happens -- you can no longer express what you want, and your doctors and loved ones can't agree on what they think is best for you -- an Advance Directive and a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) for Health Care are the emergency documents that protect you, and your family. Notice that I said think. When you don't have an Advance Directive and DPOA for Health Care, the real tragedy is that no one knows what you want. Court battles can ensue, as we have seen.

Three Steps to Take Now

Here's what you need to do to make sure you, and your family, are never put into that position.

1. Tell Your Doctors What You Want
Make it clear to your doctors exactly what you want them to do, and not to do, if you are too ill to express your wishes. In a written document called an Advance Directive, lay out the specific types of medical care you want if you are in a coma or have a terminal illness. (Advance Directives are sometimes called Living Wills.)

This document should include instructions on whether you want to be kept alive if you have a terminal illness that will result in your death in a short period of time, you have been in a coma for more than seven days with no hope that you will emerge from it, or the burdens of any treatment that would outweigh the expected benefits. You need a doc that tells your Doc what you want.

Once you complete the form, it only becomes effective when you sign it. Different states have different rules on whether your signature needs to be witnessed or notarized. My advice is to do both: Get two witnesses, plus a notary, just to make sure no one can challenge your document.

Give all your doctors a copy of your Advance Directive to keep in your medical file. Give a copy to each member of your family as well and discuss it with them so they are clear on what you want.

An Advance Directive by itself doesn't provide you complete protection. In one recent study, 65 percent of doctors' decisions did not follow the instructions laid out in patients' Advance Directives to the letter.

This brings us to our second document...

2. Appoint an Agent to Ensure Your Advance Directive Is Followed
Let's get grim for a second: You have suffered a horrible injury or are in the late stages of a terminal illness, and you can no longer communicate. And at least one doctor or relative starts to question the wishes laid out in your Advance Directive.

To make sure your wishes simply shut down the debate, you need a second document: a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. This officially appoints another person to represent you if you cannot communicate for yourself and to make sure every detail you specified in your Advance Directive is complied with. The technical term for this person is an "agent." Your DPOA lets you appoint an agent to keep everyone on track. (Just to avoid confusion: In some states, this document is also known as a Health Care Proxy.)

I want you to choose just one person to be your agent. It should be the person you trust most to honor your wishes -- and that person must be willing to actively fight for you in conversations with doctors and family. Don't make the mistake of trying to be "fair" by appointing all your children as agents or giving the job to your spouse plus another family member. As well-intentioned as I know you are -- you don't want to ruffle feathers -- having more than one agent increases the odds of discord and not getting your wishes followed. It opens the door just a smidge for different opinions. Keep it simple, by choosing just one agent.

Your agent should be someone who lives nearby and can get to a local hospital in a snap if necessary. Don't give the job to someone halfway around the globe.

3. Get the Documents, Now
Each state has its own Advance Directive. But the truth is, almost any state's form will hold up in another state. This form on my site is the one attorneys consider the gold standard for both Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and Advance Directive. You can also go to the Partnership for Caring (link to www.partnershipforcaring.org) where you can download an Advance Directive form for your state. But, please remember, you need both forms mentioned above.

Okay, let's recap: To give yourself the ultimate in peace of mind, you need both an Advance Directive to specify what you want and a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care that designates an "agent" to represent your wishes if you can no longer speak for yourself.

It is that simple. And please know you can always make changes to these documents. Just create and sign new versions, with the more recent date clearly displayed. Then send the new versions to everyone who has a copy of the old documents and include a letter asking each person to destroy the earlier documents since they no longer represent your wishes.

And then rest easy.